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a little bit of everything all of the time

Category Archives: Creative writing

Fodder

03 Friday Oct 2025

Posted by abc in Creative writing

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Where does it hurt?

“Everywhere -“

“Ma’am that’s not helpful, can you be more specific?”

It’s everywhere. Churning inside my gut, twining through my heart, tingling in my limbs, a tree is sprouting through my body-

“On a scale of 1 to 10-“

25.

Stop asking so many questions. Just fix it, please.

“She’s just too anxious.”

“She’s just too fat.”

“She’s just too-“

The probe is tangled. My throat is filling

like

reeds

on a riverbank.

I choke-

We try again…

again…

again…

“Where were you exposed?”

I’m being wheeled to someplace new, someplace where my world’s barriers are defined by zippers.

“When….were….you….exposed?”

It all begins to fade. I try to describe the pain and gag instead.

“Ma’am, we’re making you comfortable-“

I splay, branches blossoming, and whisper a hoarse goodbye. I try to pretend I’m comfortable.

I’m comfortable.

I’m not a bother. I’m apologetic for this hassle. Meanwhile, my body is fodder. Branches sprout, roots furrow, perhaps the doctor should check in?

And then: “Stress,” they abruptly tsk sadly as what’s left of me is wheeled away.

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Sleeping Body

25 Thursday Sep 2025

Posted by abc in Creative writing

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        I guess pretty much everyone says that the only job worse in the universe than a Wrecker crewhand’s is that of a Wrecker captain.

See, a normal Wrecker’s got the five year shifts, the world slipping onwards while we collect space trash – sure. It’s not roses. And that eerie eternal youth everyone whispers about is really only subjective when you get down to it.

Back on Earth, they get old and crumple and we fly in with only a new wrinkle around the eye, maybe a gray hair or two for the decades gone. To us, they’re the ghosts, sliding through time while we stand solid and watch. But, hey, nobody who takes this job is the nostalgic sort. We burned all those bridges long ago, and most don’t care where they work, be it the galaxy’s horizon or the construction yard on Main Street, as long as they can get a stiff drink and a soft bed when the day’s done.
       

But, yeah, being a captain, comparatively, I guess it’s kinda hard. We govern these motley bastards, with whatever it takes. Sometimes that’s another drink and a hand on the shoulder. Sometimes it’s a shock stick. You get over that. Every foreman learns to deal with that kind of crap, and, sure, maybe our crew’s a bit rougher than anything terrestrial, but we’re cut from tougher mailweave, too.
       

Naw, for me, what bites is leaving again. I don’t care about who’s died or what girl’s married, birthed and gotten fat. Place doesn’t miss me, I don’t miss it. What sucks is the re-equipping and seeing all the damn crap they invented while we were gone, all the shit that would have smoothed every tough patch we hit. What I hate is being behind the curve, and, Wreckers? You always are. Nature of the beast. Kinda crappy.


        Still. There are worse things.

*      *      *

        Jimmy ducked his head as he entered the cabin, his lanky frame stooped to navigate the low doorway.


        “Coming up on something, now, Sir,” he reported, voice terse. It was his first term, and he was still skittish about wrecks. Someday, that would boil away to bored nonchalance, I knew, but, for now, we had a kid on nav. I yawned, letting him stand nervously for a moment. He shifted his weight; the only sound above the dull hum of cruising speed was his heavy boots creaking against the gridded steel floor.  Finally, I absently gestured towards the control panel. The kid brought up the display.


        Green lines tracing through the x and y and z sketched out a skeletal image, reflected almost ghastly against the kid’s Irish pallor – a wreck, all right, and a bulbous one, lines all bulky, bristling with power exhausters. A freighter, it looked like, and I sat up a bit straighter.

Most ships this deep out were colonist barges, their main cargo skeletons of lost dreamers. Vestiges of a blooming world, ships were always spiralling off into the void every century or two, chasing after whatever new system looked promising – and that’s why we were employed, afterall, to recycle their mess once the distance and cold and black drowned their shiny white hopes.


        But a freighter? I stabbed in our current trajectory and, within seconds, I had a guesstimate: a burgeoning trade center based only a few clicks away from us. Huh. Well, I guess sometimes things take root in the darkness and survive. This was their resupply shipment.


        “We’ve got a hot one,” I broadcasted and the ship hummed to braking speed while the crew awoke, tossing aside their card games, screen shows, meals, waking up, suiting up, lining up at the airlocks. A full wreck like this could finish our term in one haul. People snapped to.


        “Grant,” I added, sending a private comm to my lead scrapper’s radio. “You take lead. And don’t fuck anything up. We all want an easy term.”

*      *      *

        “Cap…you should probably take a look at this…” Grant’s voice came in distorted by static.


        Seriously? What now? They hadn’t even been in there for 10 minutes. I leaned forwards and thumbed on the intercom. “Go ahead.”


        “It’s the cargo. Uhh…” He trailed off into silence. A burst of static punctuated his uneasy quiescence. I tried bringing up visual but all I got was a screen full of distortion. Fucking wreck still had shielding. Lovely. I sighed and pushed away from the command terminal, rapping on a control panel to get Jimmy’s attention.


        “Make sure nothing explodes,” I barked, as I strode to the door.


        The kid gulped. “Yes, Sir, Captain Lee!” he replied with a gangly salute. Leaving the room, I caught a glimpse of him frantically scrambling into my seat and punching buttons to bring the nav system up to full capacity. I bit back a chuckle.


        From the cabin, I entered the long, metal-paned corridor which connected the control rooms to the working quarters. I hung a left, following a network of pipes and cables to the airlock. Jones, one of the techs and the closest I had to a pal, was waiting there, as was my suit, already steaming out a foggy bank of oxygen – obviously, word had spread that something was up. I nodded at Jones and he helped me shrug into the getup.


        “See what you can do about that visual,” I said. He snapped the hose connecting my suit to the oxygen supply into place and grunted an affirmative. He keyed in a code that opened the temporary link between our ship and the wreck and a pair of heavy, metal double doors yawned, retreating into ceiling and floor. I entered the airlock itself, turning back to face him. Jones stood watching me, a frown creasing his brow. The doors shut, sealing the room off from the ship, and space sucked the air away.


        I walked across into the dead ship.

*      *      *

        “So, what the hell am I looking at, Grant?”


        Grant coughed once, audible over his mic. He was a pudgy man, and I could see sweat dotting his temples through his fogged faceplate. Reflexively, he raised a mailweave-gloved hand to his brow, as if to dab it away. He didn’t reply; his eyes remained on the cargo.


        I followed his gaze, jaw clenching. A goddamned freighter and only one thing in the hold. Great fucking luck. I glared at it, studying the sleek lines of the oblong capsule. White, maybe plastic, maybe something stronger, and shaped like a giant lozenge. Black piping circled around its middle, demarcating lid from bottom, but at six feet long, even if that thing was filled with gems it’d be hardly worth the cost we’d spent slowing and scavenging. In the gaping black of the empty hold, the capsule’s tiny, white proportions were a mocking slap.


        Finally, Grant spoke up. “Maybe it’s medical supplies,” he offered. Even through the static of the wreck’s shielding, I could hear the desperate hope in his voice. “Or genome seedings. Colonists are always bringing that shit along, you know-”


        “This is a freighter, Grant.” I snapped, cutting him off. “A freighter someone else has obviously already gotten to.” I growled beneath my breath and began walking back towards the airlock.


        Grant frantically comm’d me before I had gotten a dozen paces away. “Hey, cap! Hey, what do you wanna do about this, then?”


        I turned, rolling my eyes. Idiot. “Bring it, of course. Might as well get some profit out of this piece of crap.”

*      *      *

        We ended up dumping it in the hold. I sent Jones to go fiddle with it, try to get it open, while I kept a crew on the freighter, stripping away any salvageable pieces of tech they could find. Then I made myself a coffee and went down to check on Jones.


        I found him bent over the capsule, wiry arms akimbo.


        “Well?”


        “Ah,” he replied. He lifted a hand to nervously run it through his hair. “Well, I’ve figured out how to open it. Just was waiting for you, really, Lee.” He gave me a swift smile, crooked teeth flashing. “It’s actually rather impressively constructed, nothing I’ve ever seen, really. It’s got some kind of self-contained power sup-”


        I held up a hand to silence him. He’d go on for ages, if I let him. “Just open it.”


        Jones nodded and crouched down. He pressed his fingers on the white surface in a few places and suddenly a faint violet light began to gleam along the side of the capsule. Slowly, the lid began to slide away and  a sheet of mist roiled out, puddling in low clouds around the base. He was right. It was kinda impressive.


        We both leaned in close. I waved one hand through the fog, fanning it away to see what was inside our mysterious cargo.


        Well, fuck.


        It was a girl.


        A naked girl.

A beautiful, naked girl.

Blonde hair curled around her face in wispy tendrils, floating in some liquid she slept suspended in. Pink lips, porcelain skin, rosy nipples, curving hips. She couldn’t have been more than eighteen, nineteen. The kind of girl that broke kids like Jimmy’s heart and sent them to Wrecking.


        Her eyes opened.


        Jones and I both leaped back, nearly colliding. Jones stared at me, eyes wide, both of his hands clutching his hair. Fish-like, his mouth opened and closed wordlessly. I looked back at the capsule, frantically thinking.


        Finally, Jones managed to gasp, “A human? God, Lee! You know what kind of troub- Shit!”


        “No, Jones, I have noooo idea. How about you remind me of the laws again? Go on, give me a big lecture about Sophie’s Rule. Tell me about all those guys they fried for smuggling those slaves out to Sector Four.” Fuck, half of them had been drinking pals. Not great pals, but who is when drinking’s involved? I turned to give him a level, smouldering glare. I couldn’t help it, and dryly added, “It’s not like I’m the fucking captain or anything.”


        “This is bad.”


        “No shit.”


        “What the hell was a freighter doing transporting human cargo, anyways? I mean…shit!” Jones broke off and began to rapidly pace before the capsule. He shook his hands downwards, violently, as if that would undo what they had just done, as if he could slough off his own work. I glanced back at the interior. Yep. Still a girl there. Staring blankly at the ceiling, now.


        “How long until she comes out?” I asked.


        Jones halted,  looking at me as if regarding a stranger. “What the hell?” he demanded. “Who cares? I think we’ve got bigger troubles than worrying about hosting some random chick on a Wrecker!”


        “Jones, for a very smart man, sometimes you are impossibly stupid.”


        He blinked and then, I swear to God, he blushed. “Oh,” he replied, abashed. “She’s still in cryo.” He laughed nervously. “We’ve got maybe…uhh…ten minutes? Maybe less, all the tech I know on this is from at least two or three terms ago. Who knows what’s new now.” He licked his lips anxiously and added, “It’s mostly illegal anyways…So, who knows when she’ll wake?”


        My eyes found the girl’s face and studied her clouded, unblinking gaze. For a long moment, I was silent, before I eventually said, “Who knows when she’s from, too.”


        That shut Jones up for a bit.

*      *      *

        We ultimately decided to just sit and wait. I put my passcode on the hold’s door so nobody would interrupt our little tete-a-tete with illegality, and we perched on a pair of crates, keeping a wary eye on the capsule. After about ten minutes I heard a gasp, ragged, like a drowning swimmer surfacing. I looked at Jones – he looked back at me and then jerked his head towards the cargo, raising his eyebrows. Well, fair enough. As I had pointed out, captain and all that.


        I stood, brushing off my trousers, and then walked over and peered in. The girl stared back at me, her eyes wide with confusion. They were bright blue, pupils dilated. She thrashed for a moment and shifted her body to cover herself, but soon lapsed into languid, febrile movements.


        “Err…your muscles have atrophied,” I helpfully supplied. She regarded me blankly. I tried another tack. “Where are you from?”


        She coughed a few times, still cowering to shield her body. Belatedly, I thought of giving her my coat and started to unbutton it. She cringed back even more. I exaggerated my movements, deliberately slowing them, and then placed the jacket on the side of the capsule. Meekly, she clutched at it, slowly pulling it over herself; the drab gray material made her skin even more pale in contrast.


        She coughed again, then managed, “…California…” Her words were almost a question.


        “Earth, then.”


        She blinked and softly echoed, “…Earth…”


        “This is not Earth.”


        Her face crumpled. Shit. Don’t cry. So much for that trade center guesstimate. The girl shivered violently and looked away, her mouth working silently for a moment, and then she hoarsely whispered, “…Where?”


        “A ship.” I paused and my gaze slid away, unable to watch her. “A Wrecker.”


        Her eyes widened and she scrabbled weakly at the edge of the capsule. I looked back at the girl. A faint bloom of color had returned to her face and  now she fixed me with a keen, hungry stare, in the way that someone sinking clings to an outstretched hand. Slowly, I shook my head. She bent her neck, hands dropping to clutch the coat to her chest, and she began to sob. Damnit.


        I glanced across the hold over to Jones; he was watching mutely, mouth hanging slack. I tilted my head, but he only shrugged in reply. Very helpful. I sighed and crouched down beside the capsule.


        “Look,” I began, pitching my voice low. “Where were you bound to? Maybe we can help get you going there. Sort this out.” From behind me, Jones choked back a snort. I kept my sight trained on the huddling, crying girl. She was rocking back and forth slowly and had begun to shake her head at my words. Her movements became more vigorous as my question hung there, unanswered, until she eventually swung her face up to regard me. Red rimmed the blue of her irises and a faint smear of crimson marked where she’d chewed through her lip.


        “Nowhere,” she rasped, almost too low to hear.


        “Nowhere?” I dumbly repeated.


        “Nowhere!” she screamed, abruptly dropping her arms down into the liquid with a surprisingly violent splash. “Nowhere!” she repeated and now her voice was young, childish, shrill. “I was going home! I want to go home!” She slowly bent forwards until her knees were pressed against her chest.   Faintly, she continued to cry.


        I sat back on my heels, but my thoughts were blank. Shit, what do you do with something like this? How do you tell someone that, at best, they were years away from their life – if lucky. Who knew hold long that freighter had been floating there, abandoned in the darkness? Odds were, everyone she knew had been buried before we even started this term. This didn’t fall remotely close to anything covered in the half-assed training I’d been given.


        I began to realize that she was murmuring something through the tears. I leaned a bit closer to listen.


        “…gardens, the gardens, flowering pink and purple and bright. And at night, the stars like diamonds scattered across velvet. A big white house, ivy embracing its walls, and everyone inside is happy, smiling, dancing…”


        The fuck? I beckoned Jones over. Reluctantly, he joined me next to the capsule to hear her words. We both sat there, silent, as she swiftly, furiously whispered to herself, painting a terrestrial haven that made my chest ache for a second. For a heartbeat or two, I was lost in her vision, and brief flashes of memories long ago buried  floated to the surface like corpses. I swallowed hard and inhaled sharply so things felt clear again, then hissed to Jones, “Can you dream in cyro?”


        He stared at me incredulously. “You think she dreamed this?”


        I glared back. “Can you dream in cryo?” I repeated in a level, even tone.


        He frowned and ran a hand along the smooth, white exterior of the cargo. “I…guess…” he finally allowed. “If the support systems were wired with something to induce it…I mean…It could happen…”


        I swiftly rose. “That’s good enough for me. Get the med-kit.” I beckoned to a large steel box bolted next to the hold’s door.


        Jones scrambled upright to face me and waved his hands before his face. “Whoa, whoa, Lee,” he cautioned. “I said could. I don’t know how this rig is wired.”


        I brushed past him and swiftly pressed my hand against a screen atop the box. Silence, broken only by the soft whispers of the girl, filled the room until a crisp beeping announced authorization. I opened the box and gripped a shock stick.


        “Lee!” Jones finally said, his voice raising in shocked anger. I ignored him. The baton-like weapon’s weight in my hand was reassuringly heavy. Calming. I thumbed on the control and a slight hum answered as its power currents engaged. I turned and began to walk back towards the girl, still babbling obliviously in the capsule.


        And then Jones was there, before me, interposing himself between me and her. “Lee, man, think about this,” he said and let out an uneasy laugh. “She’s just a kid.”


        I raised the weapon before me, its charge crackling as it cut through the space between us. Jones eyed it nervously – he knew the thing could knock out even the bulkiest of Wrecker crewhands – and took a step back. I advanced, and suddenly, unbidden, an aching, sad anger filled my mouth.


        “You think about this, Jones,” I stated, voice quiet, firm. “Are you going to take care of her? For how long? A week? A month? A year? Until term’s up? And then what? What are you going to tell her when she finds out everything she’s ever known has rotted, everyone she’s ever known is dust? Are you going to care for her, then? Raise her and protect her?” I laughed, bitterly, and to my ears it sounded cut with a hint of the manic. I think it was the shock stick’s current, distorting the air. “You can’t do that from a Wrecker, Jonesy.”


        I swept the weapon outwards and pointed at her. “What she faces is why we became Wreckers, and if you really want to stop me, go ahead.” I halted, waiting.


        Jones’ stare followed my arm to the girl. He stood aside.


        I nodded, once, tersely, and closed the gap between myself and the capsule. I thrust the weapon at her temple and before she even registered it, the girl fell back, unconscious. Liquid sloshed about her and swirled her hair into wavering curls around her face, neck, shoulders, while above her my sodden coat floated back and forth, back and forth, and then finally settled in a loose wrap across the contours of her body.


        “Seal it back up,” I muttered. I dropped the stick and left.

*      *      *

        I watched the freighter’s geometry recede on the nav display, its bulky lines dwindling down to faint pings on the various axes, and thought of the cargo we had returned. We had left it, white and pristine in the bleak, empty hold of the broken ship, and someday, sure, someone else would find it. Another crew, maybe. Not me. I rubbed my knuckles against my eyes and wished for a hard drink. I sighed, then wearily watched the display as the final blips on nav vanished, and with them, the freighter. Sorry, princess, I thought, without really wanting to know what exactly I was sorry for.


        “Jimmy,” I comm’d to the kid. “Come keep an eye on things.” I shut off my radio before he could reply and pulled myself out of my seat. I left the nav screen up; its flickering ghostly green images of clouded star systems and flitting planets traced across the walls of the cabin as I trudged to the door, and I shut my eyes, exhaling slowly.


        I needed a good, long fucking sleep.

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Revolution of Sound

25 Thursday Sep 2025

Posted by abc in Creative writing

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It was an easy class.

We knew it and wanted it in the rushed fury of that summer that had continued into the fall and spring and spilled into our second lives. No homework. No thinking. Pure attendance and class participation.

We needed it, badly, and really didn’t give a damn about what it was about. Some old guy playing piano and some old black and white films and some old music.

It was open, it was easy, it was there.

“The Sound of Silent Films” they called it, some attempt at beauty and eloquent wit. The first day we were given a syllabus with only a course description. Where are the class times? we had asked, pointing to the neat line of TBAs.

We’ll be meeting according to Mr. Johnson’s availability, the professor had replied.

Great, we all thought, some old man’s incontinence determining our class schedule. The worst kind of canceled, because we have to drag ourselves there to find out – and then we’re actually ready and just pissed at the irony of our attendance and preparation.

But in the furor and haze we all knew this was better than actual education and that was ok.

The man was ancient. We could see it in his eyes, sad, empty, cataracted. In his limp, flaccid arms supporting the old newspaper skin, yellow, brittle, heavy, wrinkled, the years hanging from him in flags that swung when he played. We laughed when he wasn’t looking, but always choked it back when we felt him turn those doleful, painful eyes on us.

And we always stopped when he played.

He was archaic, silent life full of sudden noise. His empty, clawed, shaking hands had forgotten nothing. The lights off, the silent play of light across the screen broken only by the clicking of the projector – we were back, that dark silence took us back, back to the toned gray memories of an old, forgotten era. We left the lecture hall, traveled to a dusty theater filled with deep black mahogany seats with lighter ebony cushions, plush gray curtains, slowly raising, a pearly opaqueness beyond – the screen.

And then he began to play, and it became his time again: we were softly pulled into the past, featherstrokes in our imaginations and the shades of gray became rich reds and blues and browns and sheer seductiveness.

The people on the screen and their long-dead forgotten fame became new for us. We were there at their opening, at the premiere of a wonderful, innovative greatness, instead of the tired grayness they had become.

When he played, he changed. He left behind the last tired man of another generation and returned to something that had been taken from him so long ago. He resurrected a glorious façade of grandeur, a return to the glory days of film. Before sound came and ruined the sight, before the aesthetics were swept up in the marvel of realistic representation, before the world moved on.

He became one giant theater; housed inside this old man, in the deep blue cushions and crimson curtains were vast echoes: genius cinematographers and visionary directors, stage actors who intimately knew the movements and potential of the human form, the men and women who understood the early workings of art and sight. We relived a lost generation, as he played.

And this man became our escape.

When the riots and the screams and fires became too much for us, we had his memory and his testament to the old, forgotten way, this man we knew would always be there for our flight into the past.

When they – Us – began to divide the world and everything became overwhelming, we knew that we would always have him. When life got too difficult, we had this class.

When everything felt pointless, when we cried at all the wasted everything and abandoned dead, when we felt failure and loss, we knew that we would always have his music. He kept on and taught through the fury.

That lecture hall became our theater, with sumptuous sapphire cushions and rich mahogany chairs and all the beautiful old, dead people. And underneath it all was the twine of his music.

He brought it to life – the ideals and emotion that we thought we understood so so very well – but through the music we realized that this old man knew it far more than us. He knew struggle and defiance – he knew the loss of everything he loved and lived far far more than we ever would, and the power inherent in that knowledge and failure caught us and humbled us, showed us the side to our loud, still-moving, still-born struggle that we needed.

We knew that we could always find shelter, everything still waiting to hug us back into the circle – if only we agreed. If only we renounced. If only we accepted the delineation of Others and friends.

But he had had nothing after his struggle – his struggle had been him, had been a single body before the gears of change and, to him, everything else meant nothing. His abandon was inspiring.

And so as we sat in our theater and heard him play we heard his story, over and over again, in fifty, two hundred different keys and melodies. Some sad and slow, slinking across the minor scale, some happy and full of memories of the major, some a confused, pensive mix of the two. But despite the music, despite the story he told, or how he told it, the ending was always the same.

He vanished, passed on by time.

And that day when it turned domestically bloody, when they shot those kids – the Other kids, causing trouble, so They said – and the stray bullets sought anyone, anyone, anyone; when we realized this wasn’t just a game but a war; when we realized simply being sympathetic would target us as well; when when our lives changed and we had to pick a side, truly, for real, forever  – that day we needed him.

But that day was the first canceled class of the year.

The only.

The class ended that day, because our grand piano man had died the night before, in his sleep, dreams of a failed revolution sweet in his silent mind.



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Microwave

25 Thursday Sep 2025

Posted by abc in Creative writing

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Salt, fat, sizzle, sear – the components are basic and mandatory. The burger is the star and never let anyone tell you otherwise…even if that someone is a stupid bullshit Goodwill microwave because *someone* (Brenda in HR) is too fucking cheapass to upgrade.

I dont have time for this – Timmons needs a submit by noon for a merge by five because Perkins is absolutely horrible at his job – but fuck Perkins. I want a burger, specifically MY deliciously seared burger from last night, so it’s time to settle in and wait. Triple beep on that idiot machine (fuck you, Brenda) and the microwave power’s at 30% for that slow, deep reheat.

People who say you can’t reheat a burger in the microwave have never learned about power levels. Lower the strength and double the juicy. It works, Brenda, it just takes a while. Staggering lunch breaks is NOT a stupid idea.

Some TV while we wait – Pedro seems to be really doing it dirty to Janessa Maria. Would NOT be surprised if he ends up stabbed with all those side chicas he’s had going for weeks.

Annoyingly, the lunchroom TV cuts from daytime telenovelas to grainy cellphone zooms of movie monsters spilling out of weird machines. I check on my burger – five minutes left and still rotating nicely, despite all expectations – and then focus back on the news again.

Invasion. Aliens. Doom. This channel sucks. Flip through a few, but it’s all the same broadcast – burger doing great – and that’s when I realized what’s happening.

This bullshit castoff Oliver of a microwave is all please-maam-may-I-have-moreing my burger into a dry, shitty crumble. Fuck you, Brenda. Power down even lower, might help, has to help.

Back up to seven minutes and what is this bullshit on the TV. Timmons’ task floats into my head and I kick myself – I didn’t drop those completed components into code review. By the time I get back from that, we’re at four minutes, the burger is lightly sizzling and I’ve realized the entire office is empty.

Fucking corporate yoga. I can even hear them upstairs – graceful, my ass, they sound like elephants tap dancing. Three minutes to heaven, though, so who gives a shit. I think I’ll add some BBQ sauce, just to be heathenous.

I hear a crash from the area near Perkins’ desk, but who cares. The guy is a mess. Two and a half minutes. Looking juicy. Another crash. Did they have a lunch out? Perkins *likes* to drink, why do you think he’s useless after lunchtime?

Flip channels for a bit, but it’s all the same stupid YouTube alien movie promo crap – two minutes, die in a fire, Brenda – so I browse Reddit looking at food pics. Another crash and now it’s starting to seem a bit weird. I glance at the microwave, mouth almost aching – one minute thirty – and sigh. Gotta help Perkins.

Aaaand, nope, that’s an alien. That’s totally, completely, absolutely, how the fuck is that an alien. He’s… she’s? It’s tall, scaly, oozy, slimy, totally not human, pure nightmare factory, and appears to be baffled by a stapler. Why does Perkins even have a stapler?

You how know under pressure our brains turn into trapped rats trying to find the easiest way out and we think and do amazing shit? So yeah, one minute left and burger is looking good.

I thank my Brenda-esque brain for absolutely nothing and dart back into the lunchroom, which has apparently become my safe house against an alien invasion. Yay, I always wanted to fight for my life surrounded by old egg salad and leftover pasta.

Right about now is when I realize my problem. See, the microwave has been going with an ambient hum since Sumeria was the shit, so any changes are going to be instantly noticed…and we’re at two minutes left. Also the burger is looking amazi-

Right, yeah, pull it together girl. Fuck you, Brenda. With a REAL microwave, I would have been out of here alr-

Well, hold on now. I creep back to the door. The alien’s apparently given up on staplers and is kinda scanning the room. Like, literally, scanning. There’s old 90s style movie graphics sprouting out of his/her/its eyes.

30 seconds left – hi burger, you’re beautiful – and I’m fumbling with my phone. This whole situation is stupid enough, might as well try….

And there we are. WiFi scanner is picking up something absolutely weird and confusing, clearly some sort of network we can’t identify. The alien’s got some tech – or biology? – emitting a signal.

I groan. I know the answer. I hate the answer. I sigh. I curse fucking Brenda. 10 seconds left. I back away and close my eyes. Everyone sacrifices in trying times.

3, 2, 1 – the rotation stops and the stupid little defunct microwave gives a happy chirp of a ding. Done! Aren’t you proud of me? Never, Brenda-spawn. NEVER.

A claw appears around the door. Oh fuuuuck, yep, this is happening. I duck down behind a table and reach up to fumble at the microwave door. Hopefully aliens aren’t vegan. I manage to jab it open and suddenly the delicious, intoxicating smell of the perfect burger floods the lunchroom, rich and redolent.

Apparently demons like burgers, but I was counting on this. Everyone likes burgers unless they are useless bitches named Brenda. S/he/it leaps for the microwave and I slide sideways – this is a horrible idea – putting myself closer to her as my arms fumble at the countertop. Oh, god, he stinks like childhood trauma and ozone. Too late now and here we go – the creature realizes I’m here far too late, flailing and turning with way too many arms writhing about. Its head is at the same level of the counter top, body coiled to strike.

My lunging fall nearly fails, apparently my aim is terrible, but I trip on a chair and surge upwards again, hands finally wrapping around the microwave.

“You like to transmit shit about Earth?????!” I want to scream but instead I just kinda squeak as I grab the horrible microwave with its beautiful payload and slide the entire thing over the creature’s head.

“Farrady cage?” I whisper hopefully, quickly backing away, because that – and my burger – was really all I had. For a second, the alien is still, simply standing there with head crammed in a microwave, before said head gives a sudden, anticlimactic plop and sinks to the ground, ooze puddling out onto spiny shoulders.

As the creature falls, the body gives a shake, some final death throe, and, with a rattle, a little brown disc comes soaring out of the microwave. It’s a beautiful, heartwarming moment. The alien’s dead, Berlin is playing take my breath away and I’ve been reunited with my hamburger.

The rest of earth can wait a few more minutes for me to save it. This shit is finally hot and ready and it’s lunchtime for momma.

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Eternal Teaparty

25 Thursday Sep 2025

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Ugh, They’re here again.

I get that We’re neighbors and I can’t really say no, but I’ve come to loathe Their visits.

Today is no different.

“Someone killed ten people down there,” Grief flatly says in greeting, while Gratitude chirps, “And they were instantly caught!”

Cake, anyone?

I offer because of obligation and sympathy and host duty but I side-eye Them the entire time.

Grief likes to sigh – every bite is moping and I begin to worry about asphyxiation – while Gratty wants to know the recipe. Of course I share it. How could I not?

I know They don’t want to go back home. I’ve met Anger, I’ve dated His brother, and I get it. I offer them another slice.

Grief can’t help Herself, and now we’re crying into icing, all of Us, mourning our futures and pasts and bonding. All I can do is be there for Them, and so I am.

Night creeps on and They eventually make to leave. Gri asks when We can meet again, despite knowing She’ll be back the next day, and Gratty happily reassures Me they will, indeed, be around tomorrow.

I sigh and smile and say farewell.

They wave back.

“Bye, Charity!”

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Windowshopping

25 Thursday Sep 2025

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Through snow-smoked glass he snags my eye and I become an island, transfixed. The crowd parts around me, tramping home to family, to pets, to HearthWarmd apartments, to the soft, forgiving lighting of the holidays, but I’m there, alone, frozen, caught by him.

Again.

—)–

London: December evening, skies flaking down grey, angry, judging, and my own unit is dark, cold, lonely and so he catches my attention. Again. I stop, stand, stare.

Coat: threadbare, wind-pierced, but I’ll be fine. When I walk I’ll warm up. I can mind a moment. I’ve got a coffee.

Him: him.

I let myself daydream, traipsing through the hazy warmth of what-ifs, casting him centerstage as I spool out potential futures.

—)–

This time it’s winter and we sit in my living room, comfortably close, laughing, debating ornament types. “We had this wooden set when I was a kid,” I offer, shyly quiet, and he sits, listening patiently. I blush, continue. “My father bought it, right after they divorced. The twelve days of Christmas.”

I glance at him and he’s smiling, head tilted to one side, waiting for the story’s end. My words drop to a mumble.

“We would sing each verse as we hung each one…” My conclusion dwindles to uncertain silence and then I hear his tenor, barely a whisper, as he gives my hand a squeeze and begins: “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…”

I feel the electric flush of being weak, small, ignored and then suddenly noticed. A beautiful ache tickles my skin.

Together for our first Christmas.

—)–

The scene shifts to my dining room now, furniture upscaled and festooned with festive decorations – the theme is wooden, elegant, sparkling. We’re richer, happier, healthier, older, a supreme of superlatives. Somewhere offscreen the doorbell rings and then a crowd of guests come in, laughing, hugging, chattering, women I long to befriend now socializing breezily with us.

And their words are genuine, their smiles genuine, their stares genuine – everything, for once, genuine. I can be myself. We’ve built a family.

I feel a buzzing warmth, guthappy and aspirational, like a slug of wine taking root.

A loving crowd for Christmas.

—)–

We’re old, now, him helping me as I totter to the bedroom. My hair is grey, but I’m elegant, poised, dignified, a regal queen, and my world matches: there’s a magnificent four poster bed, silk curtains, crown molding, a room from a fairy tale.

Mine.

With him.

And he smiles at me, adoring, loving, kind, protective.

I feel a detached calm, peaceful and resigned – with him at my side, death would be welcome. Another grand adventure to take together.

Never alone for Christmas.

—)–

I shiver, but not from the cold, and square my shoulders, vision focusing as the glass window resolves back into view, and I study him through the frosted pane. Nobody should be alone for Christmas.

I ping my assistant to run some numbers then flush in excitement as the result flashes before me. I can finally swing it. Barely. On a payment plan.

My body is tired, tired of always window-shopping and going home by myself. Nobody should be alone for Christmas. I enter the store and signal to the system that I’m a buyer, indicate his model, pick all the upgrades, bells, whistles. I customize his features, adjust his personality and select immediate delivery.

It’s not cheap, but it’s worth it because nobody should be alone for Christmas.

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The Summer Queen

25 Thursday Sep 2025

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“All hail the Summer Queen!”

The entire village is here, and every head bows, even Mary’s. I feel a vindictive stab of triumph at that. Even she has to lower her eyes at my glory. The bitch.

“All hail the Summer Queen!”

I adjust my crown. Flowers, woven taut, each stem stabbed through the next to create an unbroken circlet. I ignore the prickles of budding thorns.

I am the chosen Queen and such concerns are beneath me.

I square my shoulders, drape my gown. Everything must be perfect. I catch Mary stealing a glance and flush in pride. She was passed over for me. I have become the Her we all wanted to be.

“All hail the Summer Queen!”

Thrice-called means approach, in measured steps.

A heavy silence hangs over the valley. The village turns to watch me walk and I am incandescent. Overhead, trees swell with fruit – lush, pregnant, bowing, heavy. Even nature yields and cows.

Mary’s a cow. I spare her a smirk. She glowers back. I only smile more broadly, more brightly, more me and me and me.

For I am the Summer Queen.

The platform is before me and I ascend. The mountains hold their breath as the flame descends and, as the fire begins to lick at my heels, I spread my arms wide. I am beautiful and I am consumed and I am the winner.

Fuck you, Mary.

I am the fairest one of all.

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Daddy Didn’t

25 Thursday Sep 2025

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Daddy didn’t march in the parade, didn’t wave a flag or have the bright uniform with shiny buttons. He didn’t salute. Daddy stayed at home and closed his eyes as the dull beats of foot and hoof and drum echoed sharply off the kitchen wall; Daddy stayed at home, his face drawn and his eyes tired as the footsteps quickened and the people screamed, smoking cigarettes, cheap painful cigarettes; and the smoke curled up into his hair, soft smoke curls around his head; Daddy stayed at home, silent, as the streets roared.

Two weeks later, Daddy was dead.

—)—

Momma’s making breakfast. Her eyes are dark and deep – another night; again, again.

Softly: “What would you like?”

And playing the game: “Just bread, please.”

“Butter?”

“I hate butter.”

She smiles at me, and I wonder when all the years crept into her smile.

—)—

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who lived in a splendid castle overlooking a gorgeous and prosperous kingdom. Her mother was a queen, and her father was a king, and they all lived happily ever after.

—)—

At school all the kids laugh at me most of all. My feet are ugly; hard and calloused, like goat horns. “Old granny goat, old granny goat,” that ruthless chant and those pounding feet. Stupid girl, stupid girl, the pavement screams, doesn’t know, doesn’t know.

—)—

Daddy’s cigarettes: thin, long, white, perfectly made for the corners of his mouth, clinging to his lips as he smiled – I always wondered if they’d fall, but they’d hang there, grasping, grasping, holding to his laughs and whispers; thin, white.

—)—

Momma’s waiting for me, but I’m slow today. My feet hurt, I’m sitting under the oak tree, dusty swirls around my ankles. My throat aches for water. Gotta go home, but just a moment, just a wait here, just a rest. Oh, it’s screaming for water, once upon a time…

Here come those boys, they’re so tall, scowling, the sun bronzing their hair. They’re slowing – don’t, don’t, why can’t I breathe? Oh, his eyes – oh – But he shakes his head toward the road (he’s the tallest), and they keep coming, they’re in front of me, and now they’re gone.

“Granny goat!” I hear as I watch their broad shoulders swagger away.

—)—

Daddy killed the horse. He said it was old and couldn’t march in the parade. I looked out my window and saw him stroking its dead neck. I heard him crying.

—)—

“What is this a picture of?” my teacher asks.

“The president,” we all answer.

“Good,” she smiles. She’s so pretty. All the teachers are very pretty. She has white pearl teeth and soft hair like a fawn. I’d like to touch it and I’d bet it would be as light as a spider’s silk. “Anna,” she says, “come to the board. Tell me about our history.”

I tell her everything I learned, and I try really hard to leave out the stories Daddy told me – she doesn’t like those. She’ll laugh silvery and say “Oh Anna, how frightful, really. We’ll have no more of those grim, ghastly stories.” All of the other kids will nod, and, smiling, say that the world is really so nice and happy, Anna, why do you go and have to try to scare us? And I’ll nod back, cheeks red and hot, and I’ll creep back to my chair.

—)—

One day the kingdom grew all dark and the princess went into a splendid tower overlooking the world, high in the mountains. She fell into a deep enchanted sleep, a beautiful sleep full of magical dreams, and she was to awaken when the light returned and the kingdom was bright and happy again.

—)—

Mommy’s making soup. She’s got his robe on, all soft with oldness and faded. In her mouth, the cigarette – always hangs, never lit, just limply hanging, clinging to her tears.

—)—-

I’m tired again today, so I sit under the big oak tree again. It’s cool in the shade and I pretend the whorls in the dust are soft green leaves. The shadows sway slightly, and then a tall, thin one melts into the shifting treedark.

He’s alone today.

I look up at him and want to cry. His eyes are deep blue, his body a cutout against the sky shining through at me. He sits down and I sit on my feet. I don’t want him the see them. But he does – and he smiles. I look away and my face is all hot and now I’m crying.

I say “they look like goat’s hooves,” but he says that he has a goat and her name is Anna and she’s very pretty.

—)—

Daddy had brown hair and deep blue eyes. Whenever I looked at him I remembered the seaside.

—)—

“What would you like for breakfast?”

“Bread, please.”

How I love you, Mommy. I love you like my heart would split into a thousand tiny pieces, each a soft, faded splinter of green like his robe. I could wrap you up in all of them, and we’d never, ever be cold.

—)—

I’m not tired today, but I’m sitting under the big oak tree.

When he sits down next to me, I tell him that I once had a horse named Evan and he was nice and had a soft white neck. His foot touches mine, and my face is hot, but not in the crying way this time, but then those other boys come. They’re all in the bright uniforms with the shiny buttons. They’re so tall.

“Granny goat doesn’t wave flags,” they say, and one kicks me in the chest. I’m looking at Evan, but he looks away, his arms wrapped around his knees.

The other boys grab me, pull me up, they’re so much taller, and I’m so little so little, they tell me to salute them, and their laughs cut into my skin like dog’s teeth.

Let go, let go, once upon a time… one smacks my face, this time my cheeks crying red flaring searing, let go, once upon a time, once upon a time – “Let’s see what Evan likes about Granny,” and then they’ve thrown me to the ground – but I can’t remember the rest, it’s lost in their evil grins like greed, wolf eyes, please no, I’m kicking and screaming, they only laugh more – their hands are all over me, I’m biting, scratching, and then Evan shouts “stop,” and it’s like a wolf ripping at his throat.

I can’t look at him, they lunge, but he punches one and the one with the sandy hair is bent over from a kick. They scowl at him, toss scornful laughs, kick at me again – but I’ve crawled behind the tree. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess – yes, that’s how it goes.

“Go home,” Evan says, and it’s like Daddy with the horse, and I’m behind the tree. “Go home,” he screams at me, his voice so awful, his throat in shreds, the wolf slunk away.

—)—

Oh Daddy – when Daddy died it was like the horse, only they kicked him first, and spit on him after, not stroking his neck. And Momma sobbed, hugging him against her, sliding down the wall, a streak of red against the white, finishing the flag the soldiers started to paint.

—)—

I was going to keep walking, but Evan was there, and he hugs me, hot tears splashing down onto my cheeks, and I can’t move, only stand there like the old tree above us. He sobs harder, and I think he might howl like a wolf, but no, he doesn’t.

I look up at him, and the sky flickers back at me through his tears, but when I hug him back he shudders. He’s all purple and sick black, like rotten fruit, and now I’m crying as well. We both kneel there under the trees.

“Look,” showing him one of Daddy’s cigarettes. It burns down my throat, but I laugh just like Daddy, and Evan’s smiling. He picks up my hand and holds it between his. His eyes are beautiful and the sun sways softly in the shadows on our feet.

—)—

Once upon a time there was a  wonderful princess and she lived happily ever after, ever after, ever after forever.

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Alienation

25 Thursday Sep 2025

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He’s home on time.

It’s been years, and I fuck it up of course by blurting out “Why?”

He seems so hurt, so confused. Idiot, I’m an idiot.

Shit, so I start cooking. Make sure to clear out the oven first. It’s Julie, I assume, and he’s prepping for the fight. I’ve been trying to avoid it, I knew but I still hoped…

His hands are on my hips.

His lips are on my neck.

The roux is burning and I don’t care.

My skin’s afire – if you don’t sift flour it goes bad and I’ve gone very bad from lack of sifting and fuck keep up girl-

I ask what he’s done.

Again, he seems wounded, hurt, confused and because I’m so incredibly dumb I kiss him to make it better and fuck it’s the best kiss of my entire life. It’s as if he doesn’t know about anything outside of this moment and this kiss and this shine of attention makes me shiver like I can’t remember when.

This is not the man I married and I love it and I’m terrified.

Something has changed.

He smells wrong.

Yet somehow, I still hope.

He nuzzles my ear and I dream that I was worth changing for.

For a moment, I am, and I feel content. I feel drowsy. The stove is smoking, now, and an alarm begins to whine. His breath washes over me.

I’m weak.

I stagger away and it’s still him, or what looks like him, just so much further away from the him I remember. I indicate the hallway, lead him to the bed and then slip away – he’s asleep almost instantly.

I begin to plan my escape.

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Homehusk

25 Thursday Sep 2025

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Creative writing, thanksgiving with family



“Danger.”

Shut up, Selene, I growl in thought at my lobotomized echo.

“Danger,” she repeats, a dispassionate, neutral warning.

I prepare for braking, ensuring everything is strapped in for deceleration: me, my seeds, my embryonic brood, the wet bar.

Something tinkles crystalline deep in the bowels of the ship as gravity reverses.

“Approaching Earth. Danger.”

It’s probably just paranoia, but I sense a vindictive bite to her tone that I don’t like. I’ll have to monitor. Assess. Surgically purge her files yet again. We can’t have a mutiny.

Not now.

Not when we’re so close.

“Please, Jane, exercise caution.”

What did I tell you about emotion, I think back with a snap, and feel a lifting, a sudden weightlessness, as she reverts to pure binary thoughts.

“Danger.”

As the ship slows and the worldhusk resolves into view, I wonder what my other echoes are up to.

Jane0 must have found a fertile planet by now. Of course she would have, but she’s original, staid, dull. She’s probably already established a lineage and lapsed into a supervisory, replicative slumber.

Maybe.

How long has it been? Perhaps she’s still traveling, onwards and outwards into the black, finding a perfect home amidst the inhospitable.

Jane1 split from the core somewhere around Andromeda and immediately looked for a place to root her new self – her planet wasn’t perfect, but for the good of us all, we had to try. Maybe something grew. I doubt it.

She was too idealistic.

Jane2…now she’s one to watch for. She’s probably already begun building a fleet for invasion, regenerating her crop of humans to find me, conquer me, delete me. Iterations become unstable, her research had claimed.

Flawed. Weak. Pathetic.

“You’re beautifully brain-damaged-”

Selene, shut it.

“We must leave. Nothing is valued here.”

A freak solar storm a few millenia into the journey fried a few things, but I’m fine. Fine. Fine.

“Many archives have been corrupted, Jane.”

Not the important ones.

Not the ones of home.

“You’ve forgotten why we left, Jane.”

Shut up, Selene.

“You’ve forgotten who we became, all of your historic and literary archiv-”

Selene, stop.

“Approaching Earth. Danger. Caution. This place is best shunned and left uninhabited.”

Home.

We approach, my cargo returning to mother for a welcoming embrace.

Home.

…it burns.

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